Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I'm turning thirty.

In three days, I will turn the number that always seemed such a pivotal turning point in a person’s life. 30. Just saying it makes me chuckle a little bit. I’m going to be THIRTY. I remember being in junior high, and having teachers that were 30. They were SO. OLD. to me! Looking back however, I’ve realized, that half of those teachers weren’t even married yet, let alone parents. A lot of people tell me how “fun” the 30’s are… a different kind of fun than the 20’s brought. However, if I’m honest, I have felt in the “30’s” category for a long time. Choosing to get married at the age of 20 in today's world is a rarity. Having FOUR kids, before the age of 30? Almost unheard of.  And yet, as I sit here and think about my 20’s, I’m so very ready to close that chapter of my life. 20’s to me, always seemed to hold the title of “discovery”. Discover who you are. Decide who you want to be. Figure out how you are going to get there. You ask yourself the question of, “what makes me happy." You figure out life on your “own." You slowly grow up. (or, at least start the process in that direction). I remember talking to my sister, and her explaining the 30’s. It was almost as if she was able to let out a big sigh, and live the life she had imagined.

I’m ready.

My husband asked me how I felt about turning 30. My reply was, “Honestly? I’m so ready. I think I have been waiting for this day for years.”
It is one thing to gain credibility, just by being parents to four children… but, still to be in your 20’s, and be parents of four children? It is interesting. It is like we are the “old people” with the younger 20’s, but, still “too young," and “un-experienced” for the 30’s+ age groups.  

I feel like in my short 30 years of life, I have done a lot of living, and even more amounts of growing. I feel I have over-come a lot of battles, experienced a lot of “firsts," and come to realize who I am a little more.

If I’m honest with myself, I always pictured myself married, with a home, and lots of little ones surrounding me by the age of 30. I used to tell people I wanted to be “done” having kids before I turned 30. Well… that’s a whole 'nother conversation. ;-) But, here I am, a mom of four beautiful kids, married to a man I truly, whole-heartedly adore, and being able to live the life I always imagined.

Life is good.

Looking back, there were the, “too many to even count," beautiful moments.

My wedding day was beautiful. A young bride of just twenty, ready to take on the world… Only two years removed of leaving my parent’s nest, and there I was, beginning to build my own.  The birth of my firstborn son was a beautiful moment. Not even 22 years old yet, and there we were, looking as young as teenagers in the delivery room, getting ready to embark on the greatest journey of our lives. Then there were the memories of buying our first home, buying our first family car- trading in the sporty Honda civic, for a roomier, could fit two children, Honda CRV. There were the beautiful births of our first baby girl, our 2nd baby girl, and our 4th, a boy, who perfectly evened us out.  There are the memories of prayerfully deciding to become those, “homeschool families," and learning how to live life in full-time ministry.

Life is sweet.

Life is sweet, but it is also painful. There were a lot of painful memories that helped build and shape who I am today, and who I will become tomorrow.

There was the terrifying car accident, the day after our wedding, just as we were about to turn into our honeymoon destination- an accident that should have left us both dead, and a car that was completely totaled. (We believe that God sent angels to surround our car that day.)

There were the miscarriages. Three precious babies; that we will never meet face to face, until we get to heaven. There were the tear-streaked pillows, the pleading with God, “why’s," and the acceptance that He knew what He was doing.

There were the marriage struggles. The heartaches. The choices we wished we didn’t make, and the love that became stronger than we could ever imagine.

There were the completely “broke” days. The days were we wondered how we would buy Christmas presents for our little ones, and how many home-made gifts we could get by with.

There were the, “Did we get married too young, have kids too early, start life too soon?” days.

There were the searching for God days, the, “have You left us?” days.

All of these days, that made up the months, that shaped this decade, that have made me who I am today. Here I am, three days before I turn 30.

The days that have made up this painfully beautiful, growing-up decade. The decade that I’m about to finally close the chapter on. The decade where I began the process of “growing-up," just a little bit more.

May 26th, 2013, I will be 30.

I will start this new journey. This new decade. This new story.

I am ready.

My thoughts on turning 30? 

Watch out world, here I come.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

Beautiful friend, just beautiful. I've missed your writing! I hope you make good on your promise to write more. January 26th was a sigh a relief for me--for all the reasons you mentioned. Credibility, adulthood, being done with that irritating "figure yourself out" phase...I feel like now it gets real. And good. And real good. :) Welcome!!!! So glad we get to celebrate with you!