Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A letter from Chloe's mom...

As I sit and soak up all the perfection of this sweet little newborn, I can't help but think of what it took to get me here. To think of all of the aches and pains and struggles... The long days and nights begging God to let her come early. The countless cries of, "I can't do this any longer!" And, "God, please take the pain away and just let it be DONE!"... And, yet... Here I am, just 10 days later... No longer pregnant, no longer feeling the tremendous weight of pain bearing down on me... Instead, feeling overwhelmingly blessed. Happy. Thankful. So undeserving. Content. Full of so much JOY.
God has taught me so much through this journey... How parallel this process to new life has been in my own life. This pregnancy was by far the hardest out of all of my pregnancies. I was so sick with all day sickness, and my body was in SO much physical pain while carrying her... Towards the end of the night, I would have to completely rely on my husband to help me even walk or stand after I had been laying or sitting down. Too many times to count, I would ask my husband and God-- "Why am I going through so much pain with this one?"... But, here I am... on the other side... Spending quiet time rocking and just breathing in every part of her new life. As I rock, I can hear my Savior whisper these words... "When the pain becomes so unbearable, and life seems to hard to even make it one more day... and you are leaning on me just to be able to stand... Remember, remember... that new life is just around the corner. That the struggle always comes before the breakthrough. That it is always darkest before the dawn."

These last few days, I just keep repeating these same words, "I would go through this hard pregnancy all over again tomorrow... She was so, so worth it."

Not that I ever thought she wouldn't be. But... having her here. In my arms. Feeling her warm breath on my chest. Studying every perfect feature that God created her with. Breathing it all in. Her soft skin, her newborn scent. Her perfect cheeks. And... oh, my. THOSE DIMPLES! 

                                                            It was All. Worth. It.

                               I would do it again a thousand times over if it brought me her.

Life can be hard sometimes. The pain of it all can be too much to bear. The dark times can feel REALLY dark... But, the other side... The breakthroughs. The healing. The promises restored. The beauty from ashes, and the miracles of Jesus' hand on your life...

Remind me when I forget... That your ways are perfect. That when I see the here and now, you see the whole picture. When I dwell on the pain, you see the breakthrough. When I dwell on the darkness, you are already preparing the dawn.

                                                            I am forever grateful.
                                                                            Chloe's mom