In three days, I will turn the number that always seemed
such a pivotal turning point in a person’s life. 30. Just saying it makes me
chuckle a little bit. I’m going to be THIRTY. I remember being in junior high,
and having teachers that were 30. They were SO. OLD. to me! Looking back
however, I’ve realized, that half of those teachers weren’t even married yet,
let alone parents. A lot of people tell me how “fun” the 30’s are… a different
kind of fun than the 20’s brought. However, if I’m honest, I have felt in the
“30’s” category for a long time. Choosing to get married at the age of 20 in today's world is a rarity. Having FOUR kids, before the age of 30? Almost unheard
of. And yet, as I sit here and think
about my 20’s, I’m so very ready to close that chapter of my life. 20’s to me,
always seemed to hold the title of “discovery”. Discover who you are. Decide
who you want to be. Figure out how you are going to get there. You ask yourself
the question of, “what makes me happy." You figure out life on your “own." You
slowly grow up. (or, at least start the process in that direction). I remember
talking to my sister, and her explaining the 30’s. It was almost as if she was
able to let out a big sigh, and live the life she had imagined.
I’m ready.
My husband asked me how I felt about turning 30. My reply
was, “Honestly? I’m so ready. I think I have been waiting for this day for
years.”
It is one thing to gain credibility, just by being parents
to four children… but, still to be in your 20’s, and be parents of four
children? It is interesting. It is like we are the “old people” with the
younger 20’s, but, still “too young," and “un-experienced” for the 30’s+ age
groups.
I feel like in my short 30 years of life, I have done a lot
of living, and even more amounts of growing. I feel I have over-come a lot of
battles, experienced a lot of “firsts," and come to realize who I am a little
more.
If I’m honest with myself, I always pictured myself married,
with a home, and lots of little ones surrounding me by the age of 30. I used to
tell people I wanted to be “done” having kids before I turned 30. Well… that’s
a whole 'nother conversation. ;-) But, here I am, a mom of four beautiful kids,
married to a man I truly, whole-heartedly adore, and being able to live the life
I always imagined.
Life is good.
Looking back, there were the, “too many to even count," beautiful moments.
My wedding day was beautiful. A young bride of just twenty,
ready to take on the world… Only two years removed of leaving my parent’s nest,
and there I was, beginning to build my own.
The birth of my firstborn son was a beautiful moment. Not even 22 years
old yet, and there we were, looking as young as teenagers in the delivery room,
getting ready to embark on the greatest journey of our lives. Then there were
the memories of buying our first home, buying our first family car- trading in the
sporty Honda civic, for a roomier, could fit two children, Honda CRV. There
were the beautiful births of our first baby girl, our 2nd baby girl,
and our 4th, a boy, who perfectly evened us out. There are the memories of prayerfully
deciding to become those, “homeschool families," and learning how to live life
in full-time ministry.
Life is sweet.
Life is sweet, but it is also painful. There were a lot of
painful memories that helped build and shape who I am today, and who I will
become tomorrow.
There was the terrifying car accident, the day after our
wedding, just as we were about to turn into our honeymoon destination- an
accident that should have left us both dead, and a car that was completely
totaled. (We believe that God sent angels to surround our car that day.)
There were the miscarriages. Three precious babies; that we
will never meet face to face, until we get to heaven. There were the tear-streaked
pillows, the pleading with God, “why’s," and the acceptance that He knew what
He was doing.
There were the marriage struggles. The heartaches. The
choices we wished we didn’t make, and the love that became stronger than we
could ever imagine.
There were the completely “broke” days. The days were we
wondered how we would buy Christmas presents for our little ones, and how many
home-made gifts we could get by with.
There were the, “Did we get married too young, have kids too
early, start life too soon?” days.
There were the searching for God days, the, “have You left
us?” days.
All of these days, that made up the months, that shaped this
decade, that have made me who I am today. Here I am, three days before I turn
30.
The days that have made up this painfully beautiful,
growing-up decade. The decade that I’m about to finally close the chapter on.
The decade where I began the process of “growing-up," just a little bit more.
May 26th, 2013, I will be 30.
I will start this new journey. This new decade. This new
story.
I am ready.
My thoughts on turning 30?
Watch out world, here I come.
